JOHN MCAFEE NEVER GIVES AWAY CRYPTO - EXCEPT WHEN HE DOES

by Rob Loggia

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Leave it to John McAfee to break the cardinal rule of CryptoTwitter: John McAfee doesn't give away cryptocurrency. This shouldn't come as a surprise, given that it is common knowledge that McAfee starts each and every day by looking around and asking: "Where can be found another cardinal rule, and how may I break it?" After brushing his teeth, of course. But never fear, this is not another of the 8 million scams using McAfee's branding and suggesting that if you will only send them half a Bitcoin, they will send you 3 BTC immediately in return. This time, it is really John McAfee and he really is giving away crypto. All you need to claim is a valid Ethereum (ETH) address and a seed of hope in your heart.

The token on offer is called the "Epstein Didn't Kill Himself" token and will trade under the symbol WHACKD. The token is being issued to commemorate the fact that, well... I don't know quite how to put this... but, uh... Jeffry Epstein, who had dirt on a list of people that reads like the guest list at Maxim's in Paris, didn't kill himself. Yes, this is shocking and provocative, despite the documented fact that his "suicide" was predicted by basically everyone just as soon as the news hit that he had been arrested. After all, these things don't happen. The rich and the powerful never conspire to do evil things that benefit themselves. Only in the movies.

So what is this token, and how will it function? Well, like any ERC-20 Ethereum token, such as Hobohocoin (HBGB), WHACKD can be held in your wallet, traded with your friends, or used to pay for things from anyone willing to accept them. But unlike most other assets and currencies, WHACKD is arbitrarily, capriciously and delightfully deflationary. According to the website "10% of every transfer gets WHACKD and is sent to a burn address" and "1 out of every 1,000 transfers gets completely WHACKD and the entire transaction is sent to the burn address rather than the recipient.' So basically, anyone that doesn't HODL is at risk to LOES some or all their holdings. What fun!

Of course, the flip side of this is that as people transact in WHACKD, the available supply for all the world becomes smaller and smaller, scarcer and scarcer. As the demand for this token could only possibly be expected to grow, this implies that the price of the token in the marketplace will rise. Eventually and inevitably, it will be possible for one lucky person to hold the entire world hostage using the one remaining WHACKD as leverage. We all may not live to see this day, but we can sure dream about it.

The reaction so far from those that believe Epstein did kill himself has been heated. So heated, in fact, that the supervisor of the psychiatric hospital where 7 out of 9 them reside has threatened to withhold fruit cup if they don't settle down. We managed to reach the 8th person for comment, a Mr. Toby Flenderson from Scranton PA, who told us that "everyone knows Epstein killed himself; I saw it on the television." The 9th person was unable to give their name or to comment, as they identify as a tree and trees cannot speak.

In an effort to be fair and balanced, we also tried reaching out to someone that knows for certain that Epstein did not kill himself. Unfortunately, a representative for Hillary Clinton told our reporter that she was very busy with her duties as President and thus unavailable for comment.

Anyone interested in receiving some WHACKD for free can visit the official website and sign up for the airdrop. Alternatively, you can also wait for the token to be issued, and then purchase one from this reporter for the $1,000,000 USD equivalent of ETH. This will be easy to do, since the token will be listed immediately on McAfee's new distributed and decentralized exchange, McAfeeDEX. Obviously the second option is the smarter of the two. Mind you, this is not financial advice, just a friendly suggestion. Regardless of how you obtain it, just remember that at any time and for no good reason, your WHACKD could get whacked by the network.

And now for something completely different!

Jeffry Epstein didn't kill himself.