First of all, I respect you for your lack of filters in speech and brutal honesty.
I need help. A year ago my mother died. She died suddenly, a heart problem that nobody managed to see and prevent. She was young, 56 years old.
From the day she died to this day i feel like part of me died with her. And it's eating me alive. Slowly.
I love her with all my heart, despite all differences we had. I don't share her worldview, at least I think so.
Since her death I have tried a lot of ways of coping. Drugs (mainly stimulants), booze, games, a lot of risky, illegal stuff, and of course, a steady job to keep me occupied (that ended thanks to COVID). But despite all my attempts, i still can't move on. I feel like I'm stuck. To be honest, my ways of coping helped me to stay away from suicide attempts, but nothing more.
In the last few months, I've been thinking more and more about psychotherapy, but i can't decide.
What you think about psychotherapy? Is it worth a try? Or i'm better off with my current coping mechanisms? Or is there a third option?
A year ago?
Everyone's mother dies.
Mine, yours ... everyone's.
If, after a year. It still bothers you, then you have a serious problem, and it's not the death of your mother.
Do you have a girlfriend? A boyfriend? A sexual partner of any species?
I'm not judging here. If you fuck snakes I'm fine with it. But I suspect you're not fucking anything.
Here's my advice:
Your own species would be easiest, but you're the best judge.
If, after a few weeks of fucking, you are still fixated on your dead mom. Try another species.
If that doesn't work get back to me.