Dear John,

Currently going through divorce, going to end up with an empty house in a few weeks. What would you recommend to get me back into the world on the right foot?

RALPH K.






I am assuming that the empty house will be yours???

Duuuuuude!!!

You know how many men would lop off their left foot to be in your situation?

75%. Minimum.

Ok then .....

Option one: black lights. Lots of them. And whatever furniture you had in the house ... have your friends help you drag it into the backyard and burn it.

Next, scatter mattresses around -- no rhyme or reason necessary for where you place them.

Then buy a disco ball (you can get them cheap in E-bay), and a loud sound system (don't pay high end prices - when everyone is rolling on E a $20 boom box sounds the same as a $10,000 system.

Then PARTY!!

Option 2: check the insurance policy on the house. If your loss re-imbursement exceeds you mortgage by more than $100,000, burn the fucker down.

Cash the check and move to Cuba. You can live like a King for a dozen or more years there with that much money.

Option 3: put the house up for "Sale by owner". Price it at one-third its true market value. You will get 100 offees in the first hour. Ask each for a $10,000 deposit.

Run to the bank, cash as many as you can and repeat the Cuba advice above, only with more money.

Option 4: go to the animal shelter and take all the dogs home.

Learn what true friendship is.

Or ... use your imagination.


John Mcafee

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I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.


Robert A. Heinlein